So, you have a difficult staff member! Don't we all from time to time. Some leaders are better than others at dealing with conflict. Unhappy staff members can be a significant source of stress and frustration in a business. These steps have been proven to help difficult situations with a team member who is out of line with your business culture.

You may not solve the problem today, but the door will be well and truly open to creating a pathway to resolution.

1. Clearly there is a need that is not being met. Unpacking that unmet need takes time and compassion. Create some space and time to sit down and ask the staff member to identify what the issues are. What is the root of the problem and what is the behaviour? 

2. Identify if the staff member is over stressed or needs some time off. Often small issues seem insurmountable if the staff member is overwhelmed. Do not offer solutions at this stage.

3. Do not judge or react. Let the staff member speak. De-escalate the situation by remaining respectful and professional. Listen patiently, acknowledge concerns.

4. Remain calm. Often the staff member may feel angry or may not be able to find the words they need. Breathing exercises work well to calm and centre our thoughts. If the situation becomes unmanageable, ask the staff member to take a break or write down their concerns. If you feel overwhelmed, take control of the situation, feed back to the employee that you will need some time to understand the situation more clearly.

5. Ask questions and feedback the answer. The staff member will feel heard. You are more likely to find a solution once the situation has been addressed and de-escalated. 

6. Encourage the staff member to be an active listener. Often, they are overrun with their own thoughts and agendas. When they are ready, ask them to help find a solution.

7. Mind your language. The wrong language can often escalate the situation. Use phrases like, 'I can understand how frustrated that makes you feel, I would like us to work together to find a solution'. 

8. Be constructive. Work with the staff member to develop new policies and processes to overcome the issue at hand. This will give the staff member the opportunity to change or improve a situation.

9. Even if the situation feels or looks trivial to you, it is important to the staff member. Mocking or showing contempt dehumanises a person. Respond with empathy.

10. If you cannot see a way forward, talk to a trusted friend or mentor. Often re-telling a scenario gives you further clarity and confidence to find the appropriate outcome. 

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